2000-11-29 - 14:51:04
Man Rant

Right at this very moment, I feel like Mr. Furious, from the movie "Mystery Men". (Yes, it was a cheesy movie, but I loved it anyway). There's several scenes where he clenches his jaw and says something like "Temperature Rising, Pressure Building ..." while his face gets red and his hands ball up in angry fists. HE gets powerful when he gets angry. I just sit and simmer and throw death-glances at my computer screen. I REALLY wish I had some sort of violent hobby to work the tension out with.

Or a man to soothe me. But that's what started this whole angry mood. Guys, if you're reading this, here's a teensy clue: When you signal interest to a girl, and she signals back, you DON'T keep her waiting a week and more for a reply. Especially if it's a tentative thing. She needs reassuring! She needs convincing that she's done the right thing! Zero reply says, "Well, you're not important enough to me to respond right away." Her instinctive response, accurate or not: F*** you, you're not that important to me either.

You may be worried/upset/busy/distracted, and she can be very sympathetic with you over what's going on in your life(I AM!), but if you were able to reply at all and didn't, she gets hurt. Even if SHE took a while to mull things over, you were the one who signalled first, what changed?! In the end it all boils down to the fact that most women (especially introverted and moody ones like me) need support and reassurance and she's not getting it. That is definitely a turn-off.

She can still like you extremely. But you go from "Hmmm, nice" to "What a nice guy" in her estimation, and there is a WORLD of difference between the two.

AAURGHHH! How do you rant on about how throw-a-tantrum angry you feel over a particular guy's actions, without directing any of the angry at the man himself? I'm not angry with him! I'm angry with the situation! I got my hopes up, but the helium has run out and now they're bobbing along at sea level.

I don't really want him to take it personally ... but I know he'll encounter this entry sooner or later and do so anyway. (I'm sorry! The last thing I want to do is hurt YOU. I'm just trying to be honest, and journal how I'm really feeling ... It's like the rest of my life. I just can't edit myself anymore, on paper or on person, based on who might be looking/listening, and what they might be thinking about me).

Damn, I'm moody ... While we're on the subject of men, an intriguing image popped into my head yesterday. I was writing about buying half a T-Shirt for Antarctic Boy for Christmas, and I ran through a few memories of the rafting trip in my mind. I was picturing us all in the raft ... his muscular self with no t-shirt, in the warm summer sun ... and suddenly I thought, "I wonder what his skin smells like ..."

HAH. Idiot hormones. They try to think for you sometimes. The question is, whether to let them?

*gritting teeth* No, I'm going to swear off men for awhile. I'm sick and tired of molding myself to what I think other people want me to be. All the women that I used to direct death-glances at when they tried to tell me you have to be a WHOLE person, complete and able to live your life without a man, before you are able to get (and be satisfied with) the "right one" ... Well, I have decided they were right after all.

Hello, Life, here I come. 22, single, and dreaming ...

Which reminds me! I never talked about my Thanksgiving resolutions. I'll have to mention them in my next entry ... For now, it's back to the Access grindstone. (Why can I never get my queries to pull up what I need them to!?)