2001-03-19 - 15:51:51
A Long, Long Weekend: Insight on Friendships

*sigh* I'm more exhausted now than I was on Thursday ... That was one of the least relaxing weekends I've ever experienced. Of course, that doesn't mean it was bad ... just exhausting! Be warned: this is a long entry!

Friday: I discovered that the Staff Conference was only a few miles from my apartment, so I decided to go ahead and exercise as per my usual morning routine, then drive over about the time I'd leave for work to No-Berg. That should have given me a little extra time ... Little did I know that the Portland Center is NOT directly adjacent to the street I was told to use. I went back and forth along that road from where it merges into Lower Boones Ferry all the way up to its ending in Fred Meyer's parking lot -- several miles and several minutes each way. Finally, around 8:30, I pulled over and went into a little sign shop and asked someone if I could use their phone.

Fortunately, someone was in our No-Berg office, and was able to direct me correctly. I rolled into the parking lot at 8:45, 45 minutes after the conference had started. The rest of the day went all right, but I kept finding it difficult to concentrate. I was on pins and needles about 'egaard's visit, and we did a LOT of sitting still and listening. Unless I'm fascinated by the topic at hand, that's really hard for me to do, especially when I'm distracted.

After the conference, I went home, cleaned the place up a bit, read some of "To Green Angel Tower", watched a little TV, etc., etc. 'egaard finally arrived around 1AM, and we stayed up chatting until 3AM. We had a lot to catch up on. -- I talk to her every 10 days or so on the phone, but I haven't actually seen her since Hallowe'en. Then, she let me wake her up at 9AM on Saturday, and we did one of my exercise videos together.

You know, she has a quasi-boyfriend, but she's always been fascinated by New Zealand Boy. When I told her that I wanted to look good in a swimsuit this summer, that was it. She's doing Tae Bo videos at home now, every morning. Summer = Rafting Trip = seeing NZ Boy again, and she's determined to give me some competition. Not that I'm competing for anything. *laugh* NZ Boy might very well pick up a girlfriend Down Under; and who am I to grudge him that? Just a friend of a friend, that he's met twice.

The rest of Saturday went swiftly. We went to see the new Steven Seagal movie, "Exit Wounds". It was pretty good, but I was upset by the gratuitious death of ... Well, in case you haven't seen it, I won't spoil it for you, but you'll know what I mean when you get 3/4 of the way through the movie. He's not as sexy as some actors, but I'll say this for him: I don't like most mindless all-action movies, but I'll go watch any of his. =)

Then, we introduced 'egaard to M:TG. I spent $25 I didn't have, and she spent $35 buying a few basic decks to start up with. She wants to start collecting, and hopes to have all the rules down by the time I visit her on her birthday. *laughing* She told my brother it's all his fault; he got me hooked on it, and now the bug has bitten her.

Jocasta and Nappy came over in the evening and played a game or two with us. It was fun, but Jocasta inadvertently destroyed one of my brother's antique chairs in the process. I thought she'd remember to be careful with it, since it was the same one that once came apart at the joints underneath her when I lived in her attic and I was borrowing it from Azash; but she tipped it up a little anyway, and it completely gave. It wasn't just the pegs coming out of their sockets this time, the wood actually shattered in a couple of places. Ouch. I felt bad for Azash ... she didn't even really apologize.

Around 9:30, we packed it up and headed for the airport. I love airports, for some reason. They're so full of energy! We ran through the tunnel from the parking lot to the terminal, then found the concourse and ran up and down those little ped-mover walkways for several minutes. 'egaard's friend (I'll call her Arka) was on the 10:57 from St. Louis, but it didn't arrive until 11:16, so we had plenty of time to entertain those waiting at several of the gates.

I was glad to meet Arka; she seems very nice. I've never seen her before, but she's been 'egaard's friend since they were both MKs, more than a decade ago. She has things in common with 'egaard than I don't. I'm inclined to be a little jealous, but I know that's silly of me. 'egaard can be the best friend of more than one person, right? And I've only been 'egaard's friend for five years.

They drove me back to my car, then went to stay at Nappy and Jocasta's house before heading to Eastern Oregon for the next couple of weeks. I would have liked to hang out with them, but I had to drive down to my parent's house so I could see KaDee on Sunday. *groan* That was the Drive from Hell. There wasn't much traffic, even on I-5, since it was after midnight ... but after I passed Woodburn I began to fall asleep. Now, I still had about 20 miles to go before I hit Salem, and another 15 miles from there to my parents' house, but I didn't dare pull over for a nap since Mom tends to panic if I don't get there at our prearranged time.

So, I spent the next 40 minutes continually trying to keep myself from falling asleep. It was sheer torture! It was terrifying and dangerous, but I would never have considered not doing it. KaDee was here from Colorado, and I've known her as long as 'egaard has known Arka. I was not going to miss her.

Little did I know. I managed to arrive at my parents' place, tell Mom I had arrived safely, and crash into the guest bed. No delay in getting to sleep that night! Mom nudged me at 8AM to tell me they were going to church and would be shopping in Salem afterwards, and then I rolled over and went back to sleep.

At around 10:30, Henry came galloping in, desperate for some company. I knew he'd never let me just roll over and ignore him, so I got up and went to take my shower. I left the door to the bathroom cracked a little so he wouldn't whine and scratch. The silly puppy pushed the door open, padded over to the tub, pushed his nose under the shower curtain, and raised his head up so he could peek over the edge of the tub at me. I sprayed him with the shower nozzle, but he just licked unconcernedly at the water. Weird dog!

Once out, I called KaDee's parents' house, all excited to see her. She got on, sounding a little distracted, and told me well, she was just putting Baby down for a nap, so I'd better wait until 1PM to see her, could I come to her grandparents' house? She was visiting the family there for lunch.

I was crushed! It didn't matter if Baby was asleep, I was there to see her (at her request, BTW, not that I'd have stayed away), and I wanted to catch up! But I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt and moped around the house for the next 2 hours.

Lo and behold, she was not there when I arrived at her grandparents', and didn't even arrive until 1:30! It was a good thing I was already acquainted with her grandparents; still, it was very awkward. When she did arrive, she sat down near me and chitchatted a little, but there was a sense of distance there that saddened me. It was as if she couldn't think of things to talk to me about. About an hour later, Baby started fussing, and they prepared to leave. KaDee's mom said they'd come by my parents' house for coffee in a few hours, and I took the hint and left.

I spent another hour sitting on my ass, before my parents came home and brought me lunch. Then KaDee's parents called and said they'd be by at 6PM. Mom showed me the things they'd bought in Salem, then I read the paper, and played with Henry some. 6PM came and went. The coffee was ready, but they were not! Around 6:30, they showed up. We chatted some more, took a few pictures, and then 7:15ish they left.

The whole episode reminded me of how different things are now. In October, she will be 2 years married with 2 little children. Her life is so different from mine now, and unlike my other good friend who's married (Jocasta), she doesn't seem to be motivated to spend the energy to connect significantly with me anymore. I suppose I can understand ... but all the same, it was a depressing experience!

I hope God has a better plan for me than living with Azash forever. I want a family and children, too. I want to keep in touch with old friends, not migrate group to group as events and moves change the social landscape. I want to keep hold of things behind me even as I reach forward into the future.

Am I making any sense? *sigh*

Well, whether I am or not, I have to get back to work now. Sometime today, I'll have to get back on and do something about my design ... what is this with Geocities and Tripod both blocking images from their servers? I can't afford a gold membership, so I guess I'll be stuck with a no-images layout. Maybe I can find something creative to do with tables ... we'll see.