2001-03-20 - 09:08 a.m.
Nosy Bitch Rant

*temperature rising* No, it's not just the weather. I am discovering (once again) that some people don't know how to keep their noses out of other people's business.

I logged on today and started checking the people on my buddy list ... something I do every morning, without fail. And what do I find? On someone's site, a link to me, with the following derogatory remark:

Or the girl who told her 'best friend' that she could get out of her extreemly bad situation by moving in with her. And instead, person A moved in with her brother, leaving her 'friend' in that very bad place. And this with the full knowledge that the friend would only have left that bad place if she could stay with that person. Now there's a test of real friendship if I've ever seen one. But it's up to the friend if she wants to forgive it and keep trying. More power to her if she does. Maybe she will teach person A what a relationship is.

What does she know about anything? Has she called and talked to my best friend? Has she discussed this with anyone in the know? I don't think so! Instead, apparently based on conversations held back on Hallowe'en, she has judged and dismissed me without even the slightest attempt at understanding.

That "extreemly" bad situation my friend is in? Yes, she's still out there. Yes, I moved in with my brother. You have no idea how hard that decision was. Ms. Judgement apparently also don't understand the power of blood in my family. When it comes down to blood versus friendship, blood wins every time, especially since my brother has been a best friend to me since long before I ever went to college and met Hildegaard and all these other people I call (or once called) friends.

There's something else you don't understand. She only guaranteed she'd move if a Certain Evil Thing that happened to her, had consequences. There weren't any, thank God. The more I talked to her about moving, the more she wavered on the decision; she didn't want to leave her Safeway job because she'd lose benefits; she didn't want to leave before she finished her orthodontic schedule of appointments; she didn't want to just abandon her aunt, since she's helping to pay the aunt's bills; she didn't want to leave her counselor just yet; she wanted to face down all the problems she's ever had in that town and master them.

You see, the earliest she would have been able to move at all would have been this month. March. Long after my brother needed a decision from me in late December. And she wasn't firm about the idea of moving at all. I could not justify screwing my brother over on a maybe! Surely that doesn't make me evil, or a bad friend!

*sigh* Why am I bothering to write this reactionary entry to start with? Probably because Hildegaard matters to me, and these petty accusations are like grinding salt in an open wound. Do you think I want her to stay out there? No. Can I do anything about it? No. Much as I want to do otherwise, I cannot take responsibility for Hildegaard's life, and let her pin her actions on what I do.

She needs to gain the strength to stand on her own, and that's exactly what she's doing right now: going to a counselor, talking with her pastor, getting her relationship with God in order, saving up money, inquiring about Nappy's job here in No-Berg. I respect that, and I think she'll be better for it than if I had put my entire life on hold to yank her out of there earlier in the year.

When Nappy's job comes open this summer, she has promised she will apply, and if she gets it, she's coming. To her very own apartment. To stand on her own two feet instead of propping her life up against me. That's something to be proud of.

Maybe I will get an apartment with her with the lease on the one with my brother runs out. Maybe I won't. I'm not all that sure we'd make excellent roommates, since our cleaning styles are a bit different, our hours aren't always the same, and we tend to get jealous over each other's love life. But that doesn't matter. What matters is, our lives are both on the mend, and looking up.

Contrary to what some people would have you believe.