2001-06-19 - 8:25 a.m.
Bits and pieces

I don't cause very many ripples anymore ... Mostly because I've pulled back from a lot of people, I guess. The emotional storms I suffer through on occasion must seem like tempests in a teapot to a lot of folks, something to shrug at and ignore. In a way, I'm glad.

I was briefly in the dumps last week and feeling regretful again about a huge mess I got into, a miscommunication issue from both sides, about two months ago. So late one night, when I knew I was too tired to censor myself much, I sent off some email. I ignored my box all weekend (I got a 4-day weekend this time, in case anyone wondered where I was yesterday ... I'm working Friday instead of Monday this week) and held my breath when I went in to check the box today. What did I find?

... Emptiness.

Strangely enough, that cheers me more than anything else. It's like another set of chains being struck free. My old pre-Dland diary has vanished; now another negative weight dragging at me from the past has slipped from my shoulders. *laughing* I don't matter to him anymore. That means I don't have to let him matter to me either; I can hold on to the sweet memories of five years ago, forget the rest of the garbage, and smile and engage in nonsense chitchat if I ever run into him again.

(Just watch, now he'll burst my bubble and send me a delayed and blackened collection of words. No matter. I'll enjoy the feeling while I can hold onto it anyway).

*sudden coughing*

Blah, I wish this medicine would work. I'm taking this antihistimine/decongestant/tylenol stuff that's supposed to get rid of this impenetrable crud plugging up my sinuses and make me feel better; but it's not working. It doesn't help that I accidentally took DayQuil last night either; it must have stimulant in it, because I only got two hours of sleep, and it did nothing to relieve my symptoms.

Oh well. I'm still happy. Besides this empty mailbox issue, I also got to give my parents their anniversary present last week. (Have I mentioned it yet?) Azash and I bought them one of those terracotta deck fireplaces, the ones with the strange proper name that stars with a C, and this weekend we helped them "cure" it. You have to burn several different sizes of things in it, starting with a small newspaper ball and working up to a half-Duralog, to make sure it won't crack under normal use later. Something about making sure the terracotta is dry clear through, and coating the inside with some sort of sooty chemicals to reflect the heat back? *shrug* I'm no expert on that sort of thing, but it was still a lot of fun to sit on the porch around a little warm fire on a breezy summer evening.

I got another long talk from Mom about What I Really Want To Do With My Life, but it was better than usual. She was really excited over an adorable picture I had taken of Dad holding Henry when he was just a tiny little puppy with enormous paws, and got chatting on the photography possibilities, and asked how my novel was going. She's NEVER really been approving of the writing thing as a possible career, so I was more than a little bit cheered to have her sound interested now.

Also, Azash and I paid for Dad and Mom to see "Lara Croft: Tomb Raider" with us on Father's Day. We all pretty much enjoyed it, although Azash could not get over her Amazing Reholstering Guns: she sets them down, then voila, without warning, they are back on her thighs. And Dad couldn't help but comment on the *ahem* obvious augmentation of Angelina Jolie's natural assets. (She was ... um ... lopsided in a few of the shots). There wasn't much plot and/or character development, but then, there wasn't in the game either, so I didn't mind. I hope there's a sequel; the action was beautifully shot, for the most part, except for the giant gold Buddha's fall and the helicopters in the background in the Arctic (obvious bluescreen splicing).

I guess there's not much else to chat about just now ... I'll go get another cup of coffee and try to dig up something vaguely good for me out of the vending machine for breakfast ...