2001-06-20 - 8:51 a.m.
A window into my soul

Lots of ponderings going on inside my head the last couple of days. What else is there to do when my allergies are keeping me up all hours? I heard today that it's some sort of grass blooming ... Makes sense. Ragweed was always the killer for me in Texas, and it had 2 seasons, one in spring and one in fall. Weeks of horrible ickiness that no medicine could really help. It's more in the grass category than tree pollens, which affect me some but not this badly.

Anyway. The latest subject of my pondering is the tendency people have to label other people. Nothing new, right? It's something people always rail against and always do anyway. People even label themselves. Spend awhile checking out the people in Diaryland and you begin to discover something: the majority of people have a sort of THEME to their profile and the side of life they present. They're labelling themselves.

What's the point? From all the complaints people make about being pigeonholed and limited and style-cramped, you'd think they'd give themselves and others a bit more freedom from the traditional categories.

I love Irish music and I love to read fantasy novels and I liked the movie Legend, but I do NOT believe/practice any sort of magick or alternate spirituality. Why does that last seem to break the theme? It shouldn't.

I am a Christian and I am a virgin and I am a Republican, but I am NOT ultra-conservative or close-minded or a supporter of the death penalty or a naive/stupid innocent or any of the other things that leap to people's mind when they see those three words in a person's description. Why ARE all those things implied? They shouldn't be.

I have a B.S. degree in Computer Science and I love action-packed science fiction movies and I spend a lot of time in online gaming, but I am NOT male, or completely without social skills, or a hacker, or brilliant with hardware, or possessed of a large salary. In short, not your "typical" sort of geek.

What else? I own Magic cards. I write stories and (bad) poetry. I read Regency romances. I go rock hounding. I have problems cooking. I can sew. I love going camping and fishing. I live with my brother. I love Westerns. I read the Oregonian every day. I own a 1991 Thunderbird. I have only one ticket to my name for seven years of driving. I was offended by the cartoon movie, Pocohontas, for its portrayal of history. I love Cajun food. I am offended by repetitive foul language but not above using the words myself on a limited basis.

One of my dreams is to buy a patch of land and build a smallish stone castle on it. (I've even priced it: the builders of Castle Magic will do a 3600 sq. ft. four-level castle with two-foot-thick stone walls for a little over half a million dollars).

I drink two cups of coffee every morning. I have a 149 IQ. I used to take violin lessons. I have a keyboarding speed of about 60 words per minute. I love fast rollercoasters. I want to buy an authentic medieval-style sword and take lessons in using it. I have Lego constructions on my office desk. I shop at Wal-Mart. I wear five rings, none of them given to me for romantic reasons. I love playing in the snow. I hate calling people on the telephone. I have a cell phone with 600 monthly anytime minutes.

Genealogy is one of my hobbies. I can write/debug code in several languages: C++, Java, BASIC, Perl, HTML, RPG III, and CL, although I'm a little rusty on some of them. I detest Microsoft but have never learned on UNIX systems. I enjoy drawing floorplans. I love algebra, but have problems getting calculus to stick in my brain. I do not wear perfume. I do wear makeup. I hate pantyhose. I love dresses. I hate dressing up more than twice a week. I have a license-plate holder that says "Beware: Princess Driving".

I have a B.A. in writing and literature. I have a "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?" trivia calendar on my desk. I enjoyed watching Survivor. I think McCain should have won the Republican primaries in the last presidential election, regardless of whether that might have let Gore be elected. I think G.W. is going to make a decent president. I hate watching movies classified as "Drama" or "Horror". I know how to put oil in my car. I am shy.

I'm running out of time and ideas of things to say, although I may add to the list later. My point is, there's no way on earth to fit me into any category, other than especially general ones like "23-year-old SWF".

So why do folks always try to do so? There are days when I really identify with that Meridith Brooks song "Bitch" ...

So take me as I am
This may mean you'll have to be a stronger man
Rest assured that when I start to make you nervous
And I'm going to extremes
Tomorrow I will change and today won't mean a thing

I think this whole outpouring today has a lot to do with the fact that I've recently reconciled with myself most of my issues with previous boyfreinds. Everything I want in a man, all my lists of specs, are all calculated towards finding one result: comfort. Safety. A man who will wrap me up in his arms and tell me that although I piss him off sometimes, and he may not like some of my ideas or tastes, he would not have me change for all the world.

Yeah, yeah, I know. Everybody wants that. *laughter* So why is it so damned rare? If everyone wants acceptance and understanding, why doesn't everyone BE accepting? Or, a corrolary: Why do so many people assume that acceptance automatically means complete approval, no more arguments, no more questions, only utter harmony?

Maybe that's the answer. People don't know how to be loving/accepting/understanding while still being strong and not dependent and posessed of their own not-the-same dreams, ideas, and preferences.

And maybe it's like my brother says: I talk too much. *grin*