2001-10-14 - 12:58 a.m.
Delving for truths with rose-colored glasses ... A contradiction? Perhaps.

Funny how I seem to be going all philosophical here more and more often of late. Probably because dramatic events in my life tend to be few and far between, and the non-dramatic events don't make much news. Ah well. I am an INFJ, after all. Thinking deep thoughts is one of the things I do best.

Amazing how many forgotten dreams and old wounds stir beneath the surface at a time like this. With a major life-change looming on the horizon, all the past ones rear their ugly heads, reminding me of my failures and my successes. All the could-have-beens, and all the might-still-bes. It's a little intimidating.

I find myself dis-inclined to share them, though, tonight. I have trouble finding adequate words to express what I'm feeling, or where it's all coming from. I've been given a short time to pause and reflect, and map out my next steps, but I'm still sitting with blank paper and poised pen.

No matter. It'll come. The three greatest things are faith, hope, and love; I've regained my faith, I'm working on hope, and love is ... Well, I have family, and friends, and God. Everything else must (and will) work itself out, given time.

Tomorrow (later today, actually, now that I glance at the clock ...) I'm dragging Azash away from his precious computer to see "Iron Monkey". It looks like a decent martial-arts action flick ... just the thing to distract me from heavy thoughts, and him from his EQ-ing. He spends almost as much time playing that game now as he does working. I worry about him sometimes! Neither of us has much of a social life, but at least I visit my friends every now and then!

Of course, I get distracted by the TV nearly as much as he does by his game, these days. I saw the first episode of "Survivor III" this week, and found it as transparent as the other two Survivor series (and just as entertaining). I saw another new "CSI: Crime Scene Investigations" and marvelled again at the creators' ability to make forensics fascinating. Also, I watched the first appearance of Spike on "Buffy" yesterday in early-second-season reruns. Quite entertaining. All the characters are complex, but Spike more than most, especially by the sixth (newest) season.

Escapism? Perhaps. I learn as much from my selection of TV and books, though, as I do from real life. You'd be amazed at the crystal-sharp tidbits that slip into everyday entertainment. Especially when it's created by someone with an accurate eye for character and a knack for weaving the plot around deep, resonating truths.