2001-12-21 - 11:31 p.m.
Christmas eve-eve-eve-Eve

Mmmm. I'm feeling pretty mellow just now; don't ask me why. It may have something to do with the late hour and the fact that a number of people shed actual tears over me today at work. Didn't expect that. I knew some of them cared, but I was mildly startled by all the visits and conversations and prayers and -- dear God -- the chocolate. I will be fat for months, courtesy of my new stash.

Wonder of wonders, I seem to have made an actual mark on my workplace. When I go, there will be an absence; questions will be asked, answers unknown, and people will think, If Only Shell Were Still Here. Sorry if I sound smug, but having spent the better part of a year and a half being the youngest staff member and nearly the lowest person on the totem pole, the idea still has a certain novelty for me. It's making me a bit cheery and warm inside -- and also a bit numb; the bits of me that were cowering in fear of impending pennilessness have suddenly been sedated.

I went from the-glass-is-empty three days ago, to instant "What glass? See the pretty river?" I'm not sure if that's a good thing, considering that I have to face my mother and her questions tomorrow. If I take the censors off my mouth she might get a reply along the lines of "I don't give a damn if I'm ever employed again," and no matter if it's true, that would put a dent in somebody's Christmas spirit.

I hope our apartment Christmas tree doesn't die over the long weekend -- I'll be spending nearly four days at home. I'd wait until Sunday to go, but I have a haircut early-ish tomorrow, and that means packing before I sleep tonight, and making those decks of M:tG cards my brother demanded of me, nevermind that I have no idea how to construct my own decks yet and there's no way I'm bringing along all 5,000 or so of my cards on a 75-minute road trip so he can do it for me. I think he's planning to laugh and laugh when I try to play, then hand over one of his own spare decks for actual gaming purposes.

Is my vocabulary really that unusual? I do actually talk like this, you know. Well, the individual sentences are pretty similar -- I usually don't string this much together all at once. I said "maintaining" today in random conversation with a grounds worker, and got a distinct double-take. Odd. I had a vivid flashback to me at twelve, sitting in eighth-grade homeroom class, getting teased about the big words I knew.

I've more to say, but the clock ticks onward and my tasks aren't done yet. The longer I'm up, the tireder I'll be, and the likelier it is that I'll sleep too late to make it to my haircutting appointment. Damn, that reminds me, I also have to write out the bills to mail and come up with a Christmas shopping list, nevermind that my razzafrackin' brother hasn't paid back his half of the rent yet so that I can spend money.

Ahem. Anyway. 'Night, all. Merry Christmas; I probably won't update again until next Thursday, six days from now. Happy New Year, too, in case I forget.

And God bless you, every one.