2002-04-01 - 4:47 p.m.
No Foolin'

I've done maybe 75 minutes of actual work today. Bad Shell. I can't keep my attention on anything; I keep skittering away to FF.net and half my other daily 'Net touchpoints, or pulling out my notebook and scribbling down story thoughts, between working on my current Db and helping co-workers with questions.

I'd forgotten about the notebook, until today. I brought it with me to work the first week or so, when all I was doing was the filing project, and started writing the backstory to my primary incomplete novel. Fascinating stuff. I like re-reading the things I've written, after a suitable period of time has gone by; I can better analyze the "voice" I wrote in, and look for plot holes, and repair the text without feeling as though I'm pulling my teeth out. I *like* the voice I was writing my novel in. Why'd I put it down again?

Oh yeah, job. And then there was Buffy.

The notes I wrote down today were for a lovely little angsty Giles & Ethan story, titled "Sometimes a Circle," not part of my "Lesser Men" universe. It's about Giles' state of mind once he leaves Buffy and returns to England, and of course his old friend shows up to commiserate/annoy. No, it's not a slash story. I can't write slash. I don't really approve of homosexuality in general, either. However, I *do* believe that persons of the same gender can love each other. I might wish it was all philos and/or agape instead of eros, but people are imperfect, and stuff happens. Can't condemn people for love. That's part of why my story *does* have a little bit of UST in it. It's obvious in the Ethan episodes that there was a *lot* between those boys in the dim past.

I've a working idea for my next "Lesser Men" story, too; it's to be called "Never Look Back." I'll link both of these stories here when I start posting again. While "Sometimes a Circle" is only one chapter, probably 2,000-3,000 words by the time I'm finished and from only Giles' POV, "Never Look Back" is going to be another half-novel epic with multiple POV's and dozens of chapters. It'll be Jonathan-centric again, but other ex-Sunnydale folk will have prominent roles.

God, I love writing. (And I don't mean that as blasphemy, either, but as thanks). It makes me feel powerful, even if the only power I have is to cause black characters to appear on a white page, and to coax a smile from someone distant and replies in the review box. It means I've reached out and touched someone, even if it was only for an instant. It's one more prop between me and the floor on the really bad days.

By the way, although I seriously doubt anyone reading here would take it into their heads to use my ideas as their own, I feel I should probably insert a reminder here, just in case somebody surfs in on a Google search and goes, "Hey!". My stories and plots are *mine* and copyrighted to me. Please, don't steal.

Oh. Right. Attention still wandering. I was going to talk all about my weekend here, today.

Weekend was good. I left work at noon on Friday and took four hours of leave. Azash and I bought a 27" true flat-screen TV at Fry's Electronics in Wilsonville; it was on sale for $199 because the plastic was a little scratched up and the instructions and remote were missing. What does that matter? We never read instructions anyway, and a universal remote fixes the other problem. Azash swears he still wants an HDTV, but the one he lusts for costs $2699 and he can't afford it this year. Next year, he says, he'll buy that and then sell his half of our flat-screen to me.

I also wasted $220 on DVDs at Fry's, and then $80 on books at Powell's City of Books in Portland. I love that store. I could wander lost in there for hours. I filled in holes in several series I'm collecting, and picked up a few others. One of them was a Charles de Lint; I've heard he writes urban fantasy like no one else, and I'm a little shaky on that genre. The last one I read of that type was "A Knight of Ghosts and Shadows", by Mercedes Lackey and Ellen Guon, and I'm not sure it really counts. It's a little frothy, all punk-elven and Renn, not taking itself too seriously. (Of course, that didn't prevent me from enjoying it. In fact, I'm reading the sequel right now, "Summoned to Tourney". *grin*)

There's nothing like spending a tax refund to brighten up one's day.

Saturday I spent lounging around. I played a little EQ, researched a little more for "Never Look Back," and read books. Yesterday we went to the parents' for Easter. Good food, card games, sitting around chatting around a chiminea fire in the breezy, sunny Spring air. Fun stuff. Mom wasn't feeling well enough for church, or we'd have gone to that too.

*sigh* I really need to find a good church in this area. There's an AoG just up the road from the duplex, but I can't get my brother to summon up much enthusiasm for the idea, and I won't go by myself. I hate being "new" and not having anyone to share the onus with.

It's a difficult thing, having faith and yet trying to be intelligent about it. What I miss most about church is not so much the doctrines, but the fellowship, and the feeling of foundation. Faith without flexibility is fanaticism, but faith without *any* moral and ideological foundation is idiotic and lost, and it's hard to keep a foundation without revisiting the source from time to time.

Anyway. It's about time to leave work now. Later.