2002-06-17 - 7:42 p.m.
This Monday gets a 6.5 on the Holy-Shit-O-Meter

I swear, one of these days I'm going to kill myself by accident.

I'm a fairly good driver. Decisive, not dangerous; there's a big difference, especially in Oregon where people seem to have perfected the hesitate-then-dash-without-signalling maneuver. Today, however, I did a pretty stupid thing, which had several compounding factors that nearly wrecked me.

(1) It was the first rain in several days, and I paid it no attention. Stupid; I *know* about the slick oil-and-dust layer that slides over the asphalt when it starts getting wet, but I was pretending like everything was normal, accelerating and cornering a little sharply. (2) My tires are getting pretty worn. I haven't had the funds to replace them; I know this, but I forget sometimes. (3) I am perfectly aware that you're NOT supposed to brake or crank the wheel away when you're skidding, but damned if I didn't do both.

Skidding sharply on a highway on-ramp isn't fun. I barely missed curving back nose-first into the railing, then spun almost 180 degrees in the other direction due to over-correction, overlapping with the nearest lane of the highway. By the time I got it straightened out, I was doing 20 mph several car-lengths down the highway and hogging the center line. If there had been anyone behind me on the on-ramp, or anyone in either lane of the 55-mph highway, I would have been toast. *shudder* And thank God there weren't any cops around.

Also on the failures list today, my boss sent me an email that she wasn't coming in, and I completely blanked on my usual no-boss duties. Namely, Change the backup tape on the data server, and Periodically check up on the paging computer to re-send any failed pages. (We have a software system that dials out to all the pagers through one of the servers, that can be used from anywhere on the network). It was 4pm by the time I remembered, and wouldn't ya know, today was one of the Bad Days. Nearly 20 pages had failed during the day, most of them before noon, and some of them time-sensitive. I resent 'em all, but I bet more than a few of the recipients were a little confused by the "Call me by 11:30" &etc. comments.

I did, however, find out today that a fic author I respect referred to me on her recommended fics page. Check it out! Makes me feel better. Time to write some more ...

*sigh* I was talking to Mom about things this weekend, and she was deprecating my writing hobby again. She was all, "I'm concerned that this is impairing your social life even further." And when I was talking later about how my job might not be satisfying, but I feel I *should* stay until next year because of the problems it would create for my boss if I left now, Mom and Dad both started giving me the Lecture again.

Dad was all, "You can't complain about your job if you're not going to apply for new ones," and "You don't owe your boss anything," and Mom was all, "Look, I know you'd rather be married right now ..."

Who the hell said anything about me wanting to be married? That's an eventual goal, but that is NOT what I want to be doing just now. I want to be a novelist, I told Mom. She said, Well, that's all well and good but you can't make money starting out with that. And I said, Of course, that's why I'm practicing now and getting better. And she was right back to the being concerned about me not getting out enough.

Whatever, Mom. I wish I could just tell her, Look, I'm doing the best I can, but that's not an option. She's real fond of the "You have to suck it up and be responsible" and "I know you can do better" and "I just want what's best for you" arguments. *RRRGH*

Okay, so I'm frustrated today. Not the best of times to write, 'cause I can't think of an upbeat way to end this, so I'll just stop now before I ramble further into repetition.

Blessings. Hope your weekend and Father's Day went well.