2004-05-18 - 3:30 p.m.
Of magic wands (and other humorous anecdotes)

One of the managerial staff here sent me an email a few days ago, entitled, "Do you have a magic wand?"

*laughing* I can't even begin to enumerate the various things that flashed through my head when that phrase popped up in bold at the top of my Outlook box. Tied for first were "Something to do with Prisoner of Azkaban?", as I'm a (not-so-) secret Harry Potter fan, and "Oh no, one of those [censored] sex-toy e-tailers stole my work address from someone and put it on their [censored] spam list!" I get enough of that crap in my Yahoo! account -- I've never visited a single porn site or anything related to that, but as the account's been active coming up on eight years now and the address is posted hither and thither all over the web due to my fanfic "career", that's not such a surprise. My work email is supposed to be a secret, though.

Anyway, it was neither. As usual, I was being petitioned as the resident Computer Genius, whatever my lowly actual title, to come decipher some software mess or other. As usual, a couple of clicks of the mouse and a few sentences of explanation quickly put the matter to rights. Still, though, the phrase kept bubbling up in my head at random intervals throughout the work day to bring a smile to my face. Ah, such is the life of the easily amused.

Speaking of easily amused. Anybody here seen "Van Helsing"? *snickering* My, ahem, enjoyment of the flick was aided by a few factors, namely that [1] Hugh Jackman is my current big-screen lust-object, and not a bad actor besides; [2] the monk -- no, friar! -- was played by the actor who also played Faramir (one of my favorite fictional characters since I was ten years old); [3] I'm a guilty fan of the vampire/monster/comicbook movie genre in general, despite its high quotient of awful spectacles (I did indeed recognize the chick from Underworld); and [4] at least it didn't attempt to take itself seriously.

That last was actually its saving grace; I'm not sure the rest could have overcome the OTHER fact-list I compiled about that movie. In no particular order, I was appalled by: [1] the sheer crowdedness of the plot, with so many mega-monsters; [2] the awful device of vampires physically giving birth at all, much less to completely-dead babies; [3] the ludicrous explanation for of the existence and placement of the lycanthropy cure; [4] the terrible acting of Dracula's brides; [5] the impossibility of the sunlight grenade -- and I'm not talking its existence, here, but the way it bent the fabric of reality to somehow shine around corners and dust every undead being in a huge mansion; [6] the fact that they never explained the history or meaning of that "Left Hand of God" comment; [7] ... oh, I could go on for days.

I've seen very few movies with premises as out-there as that one that can take themselves seriously and not come off as utterly un-re-watchable. "Unbreakable" was one. I'm not sure why, but that movie just sucked me right in and didn't let go. I guess it was the unexpected emotional depth, and all the nuances in the filmwork; it was extremely well done. The second one that leaps to mind is, surprisingly, another Bruce Willis movie: "Fifth Element". I was in the depths of clinical depression the first time I saw it, after the messy demise of my engagement, but for the two hours I sat in that theater all that fell behind me, and I was totally enthralled. I must have gone back to see it five or six times over the next month, recapturing that feeling.

Oh! Speaking of the depression ... well, my aunt spotted my ex this last Sunday. I was hysterical (ha-ha, not tears) when she told me about it. It seems that a gal who went through a youth training program in our church while I was in college is now a children's pastor up in the Beaverton area somewhere. This gal showed up at our church again for a funeral the other day, and dragged her new significant other with her. My aunt reportedly stared and stared, thinking "It can't really be ...?", but my 13-year-old cousin finally poked her and said, "Who's that man? He looks familiar!" So my aunt blinked and said, "You know, I think it's Shell's [insert name]," and my cousin gasped and said, "It is!" (He apparently did NOT make a favorable impression on her back when. Ah, the wisdom of children.)

Honestly, did the man think no one would recognize him in my own church, to which I brought him a few times? Anyway, my aunt tried to get through the crowd afterward to speak with the gal just so she could smile faux-sweetly at him and say "Oh, we've already been introduced" and watch the expression on his face, but there were too many people there and she just missed them in the parking lot. Darn. I wonder if anyone else saw him and said anything to him? If so, it hasn't filtered back through the gossip vine yet.

No, I'm not at all vindictive. Really. Just amused. I mean, I was 18 and 19 when I dated him; what did I know about real life? It all seemed so tragic at the time, and it did spawn the worst year of my entire life, but seven years later it all takes on another aspect altogether. And I can't help but wonder if he's grown up at all since. The scientists say your brain hasn't finished shaping itself until your mid-twenties, after which your personality pretty much sets in stone, and he was already 24 when he asked me out. Ugh. I feel sorry for his new girlfriend, although you never know, she may actually appreciate the immature and overly controlling aspects of his nature.

Anyway, I'm burning time here, so I'd better sign off.

Blessings,
~Shell